Note: This is an unedited version.
Act One
Let the Circus Begin.
Not my circus, not my monkeys – Polish proverb.
Chapter 1 – Elsie
January 1923
Newcastle, New South Wales
The big top stood like a sleeping giant, awaiting the eruption of cheers that would rouse it from its slumber. The massive canvas tent, with its vibrant colours, hinted at the excitement and anticipation that would fill its interior in the coming days and nights. A shiver ran down Elsie’s spine as she walked through the ring. She held her arms in the air and twirled around. Performing wasn’t in her nature, but she could imagine the buzz the performers felt at having an entire audience watching their every move. She dropped her arms to the sides and stood with her eyes closed for a moment before the silence was broken by the sound of a horse neighing nearby. She continued on her way to find her twin daughters, who had jumped at the chance to feed the horses with Daphne. The rest of the troupe was waiting in the mess tent for the twins to arrive. Slipping through the other side, Elsie watched Eva and Edith dissolve into a fit of giggles as Harry ate food from their open palms. Her heart melted, and a wide, joyful smile spread across her face.
‘Girls, Daddy wants to show you something. Come with me,’ Elsie said, waving them over. The girls looked up at her in unison and ran to her, their long dark curls and matching white dresses flowing behind them. Elsie took each girl by the hand and gave a quick wink and nod to Daphne before heading back through the big top. The girls were both speaking a mile a minute and finishing each other’s sentences. It always amazed Elsie how intuitive her daughters were. It was as if they possessed a magical ability to share their innermost thoughts with each other, their minds linked by an invisible thread.
She pushed the canvas flap of the big top open, and the girls raced ahead through the ring.
‘Wait for me!’ she called, chasing after them. At least they were heading in the same direction. Often they would run opposite ways, and Elsie wished she could split herself in two so that she could catch both of them. They dashed through the other side of the ring to the front porch, then around the ticket box before coming to an abrupt halt. Elsie caught up and looked down at the twins’ faces. Their eyes, sparkling with sheer unadulterated delight, filled her heart with a joy so intense it felt like a physical warmth.
‘There’s my darling double act. What do you think, girls?’ Walter said as he gestured to the scene before them. Eva giggled, and Edith asked, ‘Is this for us?’ Walter nodded and scooped one girl up in each arm before taking them over to the waiting crowd of roustabouts and showies. Joyous music and excited chatter filled the air as the whole troupe came together to celebrate. Elsie stood back, admiring the decorations. Ruth had done an amazing job with the sign announcing the twins’ third birthday. Bunting and lights were strung across the tent they all used as a mess hall, balloons dangled from the wire, and paper hats sat on a table waiting to be placed on heads. Walter, Norman, and Roy had set up the chairs and tables, and Lillian and Daphne had helped with the food. She spotted Walter standing near the train, close to their carriage, and made her way over to him. He offered her a drink.
‘You deserve this, my love. Look how much fun the girls are having.’ He put his arm around her waist and drew her into him for a quick kiss. She let herself melt into his arms.
‘Enough of that, you two, there’s a party going on here,’ Jack called out.
‘And you’ve seen a few of them in your time, haven’t you, old man?’ Walter retorted. Jack chortled.
‘A darn sight more than you, boss.’ Walter raised his glass, and Jack followed suit. Elsie felt a tug on her skirt and looked down to find Eva hiding behind her. She bent down to the little girl’s eye level.
‘What’s wrong, sweetheart?’ she asked.
‘Nothing, Mummy. I just need you,’ came the soft reply. Elsie hugged her and stood up, ensuring that her skirt hid her little shadow. Edith ran over to check on Eva and give her the doll she’d left on the table. Once she knew her sister was all right, she raced back to play with John and Lola. As the only children in the circus family, the four of them were as close as siblings.
‘Would you look at those three? What a bunch of rascals!’ Ruth said as she came to stand next to Elsie. She looked down at Eva and held her hand behind her back. Eva took it, and Ruth whisked her into her arms. ‘You’re not a rascal though, are you?’ Eva shook her head. ‘Do you think it’s time for cake?’ Eva nodded, and Elsie headed into the carriage. Inside, she placed the decorated chocolate cake on the wooden chopping board. She looked out the window at the crowd that had gathered to celebrate. In just four short years, this ragtag bunch of workers and performers had become as close as family. With the shared experiences of communal living, it’s no surprise that strong bonds form, and it doesn’t get much closer than living on a train and moving from town to town.
Elsie thought back to the first time she’d met Walter and the rest of the troupe. The black steam train emblazoned with ‘Morgan Bros Circus and Menagerie’ in large red lettering along the side had rolled into Dubbo only one day before they were due to perform their first show. Living only one street back from the lot, Elsie had ventured down with her older brother, Roger, to watch the ‘carnies’ setting up their trailers, wagons, and tents on the patchy grass that made up the town football oval. The construction of the big top intrigued Roger, but it was the exotic animals that captivated Elsie. Roger had encouraged her to get closer, so they crept up behind one of the tents. They hadn’t noticed the figure come up behind them until a voice boomed, ‘Oi, what do you two think you’re doing?’ Elsie had jumped with fright and spun around to see a man dressed in long khaki pants and a camel-coloured shirt with the sleeves rolled up, revealing tanned forearms. Elsie let her eyes wander over his short black hair, curly moustache, and muscular arms as he looked Roger up and down. Then his eyes had shifted to Elsie, and she lost herself in their steely gaze. It was as if they were the only two people in the world until Roger coughed and broke the spell. Roger, calm and confident, somehow convinced the man that they could help with setting up. They’d spent the rest of the day doing whatever they were told, and in return, Walter, as she’d later learned the man’s name was, gave them two free tickets to the show.
Dressed in her best dress, hat, and gloves, Elsie watched on as the clowns, acrobats, animal handlers, and strongmen dazzled the crowd with their incredible talents. But it was Walter who had really captivated her. He marched around the ring and excited the crowds with such self-assurance that she felt like she could watch him forever. Once the performers took their final bows and the crowd began to disperse, Elsie reluctantly left the stands. Roger walked ahead with his friends, talking about the show, in particular the acrobats, whose barely there costumes had made Elsie blush. She felt a light touch on her arm and whirled around. Her eyes were drawn to Walter’s handsome features, his jawline sharp against the backdrop of the festoon lights.
‘I was hoping I’d see you tonight,’ he said with a wink. The world seemed to fade away, and in that moment, she knew she was falling for him.
‘Are you ready?’ Elsie jumped as Ruth came through the door.
‘Sorry. I’m coming now.’ The two women, carrying the cake, carefully walked down the stairs and over to the table. One of the band members played the first few notes on his trumpet, and the entire troupe started singing Happy Birthday with gusto. The twins were grinning from ear to ear. While Walter’s booming voice drowned out everyone else’s, Elsie helped the girls blow out the candles. Everyone cheered and clapped, and then the girls each stuck a finger into the icing and licked it off, which set everyone off again.
Soon, the rest of the band members snatched up their instruments and launched into a jazz medley, bringing the celebrations into full swing. The adults chatted, their voices a low hum against the backdrop of the children playing Ring-a-Rosy; the girls holding fast to the twin dolls they’d been given. Elsie shielded her eyes from the sun and looked for Walter, finding him standing near Will and Ruth’s carriage. As she approached, she struggled to hear Walter’s hushed words, and the two men quickly separated.
‘One last spec tonight. We’ll need to gut the tent and pull down first thing tomorrow. I would’ve liked it done after the show, but I suspect we’ll be a darn sight tired after today’s celebrations, won’t we love?’ Walter said, then downed the rest of his drink.
‘Where to next?’ Elsie asked.
‘Sydney. Should be a good run. We need to load up as early as possible, though,’ Walter said as he poured himself another drink.
‘Yeah. The front business went well. We’ve got bills posted everywhere. The council was on board this time,’ Will said, and Elsie saw a look pass between the two men.
‘I think Lillian and Ruth need a hand with that food,’ Walter said as he gave her a slight nudge with his elbow. Elsie instinctively moved her arm to her side and glanced across at the women who were sitting at the table idly chatting.
‘Oh, right. Yes. I’ll go and help them,’ she said without looking at either of the men. As she walked away, she overheard Walter ask Will how the game was in Sydney. What game? She thought and made a mental note to ask Walter about it later.
*
‘Roll up, roll up, folks! We’ve got wonders, oddities, and marvels you can only dream about. Step inside and see Young Hercules, stronger than ten men. Watch in amazement as Leaping Lily and daredevil Ropewalker Ruth defy gravity.’ Will took a deep breath before belting out the rest of his speech. ‘Don’t forget the animals! Dazzling Daphne and her horses, and Jack the Wild Animal tamer, will have you quivering with fear as he unleashes our elephants, lion, and monkeys into the ring. And last but certainly not least, we’ve got Coco the Clown, who will keep you laughing until your belly aches. That’s right, folks! Come and see the great Morgan Bros Circus and Menagerie!’ Elsie stood near the big top and watched Will work the crowd that had gathered to gawk. A wave of anticipation washed over the crowd; the children’s faces, filled with excitement, were a mirror to the adults who were equally eager to see the show. Roy, Norman, and Jack, who had been standing at the back of the crowd, moved forward, gently pushing the people in front of them, who helped to move the crowd towards the entrance. Some might have called the corralling intimidating, but when your weekly wages depended on the number of people who attended a show, you did what you had to in order to get them inside the big top. She caught Will’s eye and waved, then went in search of Walter.
A lively melody from the gramophone pulled her towards their carriage. She found Walter downing a glass of whisky as he put the finishing touches on his outfit. He always looked dashing, dressed in his ringmaster’s uniform of crisp black shirt and black pants, sequined vest, and black top hat. Eva, Edith, John, and Lola sat at the table drawing. Walter looked up at her.
‘Finally! Where have you been? You need to watch these kids. The rest of us have a spec to put on.’ Elsie’s stomach lurched and she shot a quick glance at the children, who kept their heads bowed low.
‘Sorry. I’m here now. Don’t worry. It’ll be a fantastic show. There’s a good crowd out there tonight.’ Walter grabbed his bejewelled cane and headed out the door without another word. Elsie made herself a cup of tea and sat in the chair by the window, writing in her diary. Although she’d seen the show countless times, she couldn’t help feeling left out when she had to watch the children. After dinner, she settled the girls into bed, serenading them to sleep with a rendition of ‘Rock-a-bye Baby’, before walking John and Lola through to the next carriage and tucking them both in their own beds. When she returned, she heard high-pitched giggling and smiled to herself. She walked straight, pretending not to notice them, but stopped and clambered into their bed. The twins erupted into raucous laughter.
‘Shhh! I know it’s been a big day, but it’s time to settle down.’ She squeezed them both tighter before letting go. ‘I can’t believe you are three now. Where did my babies go?’
‘We’re here, Mummy,’ Edith and Eva said.
‘Yes, you are, and you also need to go to sleep. Goodnight, sweethearts.’ Elsie eased out of bed and turned down the lamp. She finished writing in her diary while she waited, listening out for the band to play the finale. She waited another five minutes before making her way through the remaining crowds and over to the big top. The stands were almost empty, save for a few scattered figures. She went to the backstage area and found Ruth and Lillian gathering buckets.
‘Can I help?’ she asked. Lillian nodded and handed her a bucket. ‘How did the spec go?’ Elsie bent to pick up some discarded wrappers and popcorn boxes.
‘It was a full house, so the boss should be happy,’ Lillian replied.
‘Yes, Jack even managed to get Daisy up onto the box. The crowd loved it. He didn’t even have to use the bull hook.’ Ruth was smiling, but her eyes looked tired.
‘That’s wonderful news. I’ve never liked him using the bull hook on the elephants. It seems such a cruel way to encourage them to cooperate. The children were well-behaved as always. They should be sound asleep.’
‘Thanks. I know they’re ten and eight now, but I still worry about leaving them on their own.’
‘It’s no trouble. I don’t mind. It’s not like I’m part of the show,’ Elsie shrugged.
‘Not yet.’ Walter took the steps two at a time. ‘Bloody good crowd tonight, bloody good,’ he said as he hugged her. Elsie giggled and wriggled out of his grasp. She bent to pick up the bucket she’d dropped.
‘We’ve got work to do,’ she said. Walter held his hands up in surrender and left them to it, calling out to Will and Jack to help him take the tightrope down. The three women finished clearing the stands and then said goodnight, each desperate for the comfort of their beds. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.
*
Elsie was up before anyone else. The dawn quiet was broken only by the gentle warbling of magpies. She enjoyed wandering the lot when no one was around. It felt like her own personal domain. A comforting familiarity settled over her as she looked around the lot that would be non-existent within a few hours. Every time the train rolled into a new town, they placed the big top, accommodation, and storage tents in the same positions. It created a temporary village for the troupe to live in. It also made the set-up and pull-down easier because everyone knew where everything was supposed to go. Elsie made her way over to the animal enclosures. She patted the heads of the closest horses, and one of the large, older stallions whinnied. Daisy, the 8000-pound elephant, trumpeted softly as Elsie strolled past her cage. Daisy pushed her trunk through the bars, and Elsie ran her hands up the warm, firm trunk and down the soft ears. Duke, her calf, approached the front of the cage to garner his share of pats. Elsie moved along to the monkeys’ cage. One monkey was curled up in the back corner, but Hector, the oldest chimpanzee, was near the front. He grabbed her hand and stroked it; a toothy grin spread across his face.
‘Watch him. He’s a cheeky one,’ Jack said as he came to stand next to her. Elsie gently pulled her hand away and folded her arms. ‘Are you ready for the move today?’ Jack asked as he shoved a piece of fruit through the bars. Elsie sighed and nodded. She was ready. ‘The boss should be happy. Last night was good takings and we usually pull sizeable crowds in Sydney.’
‘That’s true,’ Elsie said, turning back to Hector. ‘And as for this one, I learnt long ago that he’s a smooth operator.’
A resounding slam echoed through the lot, and Walter’s voice, sharp and commanding, filled the air with instructions.
‘Sounds like it’s time to get started,’ Jack said as he picked up a pitchfork.
For the next few hours, the lot was a flurry of activity; the rhythmic sounds of their work creating a symphony of industry. Every person had a role. Walter, Will, Norman, Charles, and Roy, along with some of the labourers, were either tearing something down or loading something up. Elsie, Lillian, and Ruth ensured the trunks were loaded into the carriages, while Jack and Daphne made sure the animals had enough food and water. Even the children had jobs to do. John helped the band to load their instruments, while Lola kept Eva and Edith entertained by playing with Lucy, Charles’s fluffy brown and white mixed-breed dog. It wasn’t long before the train let out a long, low whistle, signalling their exit from the outskirts of Newcastle.
*
Their first evening show in Sydney was a roaring success, and afterwards, Walter declared that they should have a small celebration. The adults sat around the communal tables in the mess, drinking and chatting while Eva and Edith fell asleep in the arms of John and Lola, who were sitting on the grass near their parents’ carriage.
‘I’d better get these two into bed. I’ll take Eva first,’ Elsie whispered to Lola. Ruth came up behind her and picked Edith up. The two women walked silently over to the carriage at the front of the train and laid the two girls into their shared bed.
‘Thanks, Ruth,’ Elsie said, as she quietly closed the door.
‘Happy to help,’ Ruth said. ‘I’ll put my two to bed and then let’s have one more drink before we call it a night.’
The women sat at a table, relaxed and rested, and looked across at the group of men standing near the big top. Elsie watched as Jack left the group and made his way over to the animal cages. A shriek pierced the air.
‘Dad shouldn’t stir the monkeys up. We’ll get complaints,’ Daphne said.
‘He’s a menagerie man through and through. Those animals mean the world to him. He wouldn’t rile them up for nothing. They probably got excited to see him, that’s all,’ Ruth said. Daphne conceded.
‘I think we’ll be in Sydney for a while if the takings are as good as tonight’s,’ Ruth said, as the animal sounds dwindled.
‘I hope so,’ Elsie said with a yawn. ‘It’d be nice to stay in one place for a bit longer.’ The other women agreed. Lillian stretched her arms up and yawned.
‘Well, ladies. That’s it for me. I’m not as young as I used to be.’ Lillian stood and headed for a carriage midway down the train. The other women stood up and made their way to their respective accommodations. Elsie looked across to the big top. The group of men had dwindled, but Walter pulled a bottle from his pocket and poured another round. She sighed and walked towards their carriage.
*
Elsie woke with a start, her heart pounding in her chest. Someone had opened the carriage door and let it bang on the side of the carriage. She felt for Walter, but his side of the bed was cold. Grabbing her dressing gown, she tiptoed past the sleeping twins and towards the open door. A wave of nausea washed over her as Walter staggered toward her; the smell of whiskey and cologne was almost unbearable. She reeled back, and his eyebrows shot up before his features rearranged into a scowl. Her stomach lurched, and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up.
‘Sorry. It’s just that you seem a bit drunk. Come on, let’s get to bed,’ Elsie said, gently tugging on his arm. If she could encourage him into bed, he’d be snoring within minutes.
‘Don’t bloody tell me what to do, you stupid woman! I’ll go to bed when I’m good and ready.’ He grunted and shoved her backward, then plonked himself down onto the step with a thud. Elsie stumbled back and grabbed the bench so she didn’t fall and wake the girls up. Her chest tightened and tears sprang to her eyes. Walter had never spoken to her like that, let alone shoved her. He must have been drunk. As she blinked back tears, she saw him turn and fumble for the almost empty bottle beside him, cursing as he knocked it over. He bent to pick it up and almost fell off the step. Elsie tiptoed back to bed, her muffled cries barely audible against her pillow.
*
The smell of frying bacon and eggs, along with the sound of Walter’s hushed voice telling the girls to be quiet, woke her. Painful images of the previous night — the harsh words and cruel shove—flooded her mind, and with a long, slow breath, she forced them deep down inside her. Hidden away in a box in her mind that she never cared to open. Elsie rolled over and watched Walter pick Eva up with one hand and use his other to flip the eggs.
‘Mummy,’ Edith called out as she ran over. Elsie pulled the little girl into the bed, drew the rugs up under her chin, and leaned down to kiss her on the forehead.
‘Right, little miss, can you put the plates on the table?’ Walter said, setting Eva back down. ‘And you can put out the cutlery,’ Walter said to Edith as he motioned for her to come away from the bed. ‘Mummy needs a bit more rest,’ he said with a quick smile. He filled the plates and placed them on the table. ‘Breakfast is served.’ He pulled a seat out as Elsie approached the table, then took the seat across from her. The girls began chattering in between bites. Elsie moved the food around on her plate, thankful that the girls were too young to realise that anything was amiss. When they had finished eating, the twins asked Walter if they could go and see if Daphne and Jack needed help with the animals. Walter smiled and winked at them before they flitted out the door. Elsie pushed her plate away and sat back, looking out the window.
‘Elsie, I’m sorry about last night.’ She looked up and blinked back the tears that threatened to escape. ‘I have no excuse for my behaviour. It’s just that it was my dad’s birthday and I was celebrating, but then things went awry.’ Elsie sat forward.
‘I didn’t know that. You never talk about your family. What happened to your dad?’ Walter took a deep breath, letting it out slowly through his nose.
‘You know I took over the circus when I was 22—your age.’ He half-smiled. ‘Morgan Bros was in its prime. Sold-out shows every night. The best performers and wildest animals. It was fantastic. Then Dad had a run-in with one of the showies. It got too much for him and he shot himself.’ He stopped and swallowed. Elsie didn’t move. This was the most Walter had talked about his parents in the entire time they’d been together. ‘I took over. Mum helped, of course, but she came down with pneumonia about a month later. It was bloody hard to bury both of them in such a short time frame. But it had to be done, and I had to carry on.’ He cleared his throat and stretched his arms out wide, rolling his head from side to side.
‘I’m so sorry that happened to you,’ Elsie said. He lifted a shoulder, then stood up.
‘Well, now you know.’ He turned towards the door. ‘I won’t hurt you again,’ he said, then pushed open the door and sailed through with a smile plastered on his face.
Elsie stood at the window and watched him walk across the lot towards Will, who was standing near the front porch with Roy. Walter had been through a lot. They both had. But they’d made it this far together, and they had two beautiful girls. He’d apologised and told her he wouldn’t do it again. Elsie hoped that would be the end of it.